we rest in the void

I had a daydream I was a door girl at a club and it was compulsory part of my job to carry around a giant plush toy animal with me everywhere to greet arrivals. Every time someone would sincerely greet the teddy, they would have greater luck scoring the phone number of the person they liked. #witchy

Then I would go home and sit on the swings by myself after midnight under the blood red lunar eclipse.

infjconfessions:

sabinmoon:

gunmetalskies:

fartpiss:

prettyfnpoly:

but I feel like we don’t talk often enough about the negative impacts the culture that surrounds monogamous relationships can have on people of all relationship styles/orientations. 

monogamy culture will have you believe that it’s normal to be jealous and territorial over your partner and their interactions with other people - especially interactions with people that they could eventually develop a romantic/sexual interest in. 

monogamy culture will tell you that you are the only person your partner should ever show romantic/sexual interest in, and if your partner makes the mistake of developing feelings/attraction toward another person, it’s because you are not enough. 

monogamy culture will tell you that certain sacrifices must be made in order to build a life with another person, and if you aren’t keen to make those sacrifices for your partner, you are selfish and not ready for “real” commitment.

monogamy culture will tell you that relationships are only valuable if they are “going somewhere,” somewhere usually meaning lifelong commitment in the form of marriage or domestic partnership. if you aren’t ready to shack up, propose, have kids with, or make other commitments to someone whom you’ve been dating for an extended period of time, you are again considered selfish and not ready for a “real” relationship.

monogamy culture will tell you that one partner should satisfy most of your needs. the rest can be dealt with via compromise on your end. when you can no longer deal with having certain needs go unsatisfied, your only option is to end the current relationship and (usually) pursue someone else.

monogamy culture will tell you that there are certain things you must rely on your significant other for. they should be the most intimate relationship you have, the person you gain validation from, the person from whom you ask advice first, the ultra absolute most special person you’ve ever had in your life. if anyone else compares in the slightest, they are a threat to the relationship.

obviously not all monogamous couples exhibit these characteristics, because monogamy itself is not the problem. the problem is this weird, jealous, insecure, culture surrounding monogamy that is constantly perpetuated by the media and so much of society. 

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I wish I could shout this whole post from the rooftops of every city tbh !!!!!!!!!!!!! V important v important

All of that… ^^^

And I hate that people sometimes think I use poly relationships to “sleep around” like no… Half the time I’m perfectly happy being monogamous in a relationship with someone who isn’t.
I’ve got a history of being MORE comfortable in relationships where I’m not the sole arbiter of someone’s romantic happiness. It lets me see them as a whole person, separate from me, and I love them all the more for that.

In a poly relationship you never lose that sense of self that people fall for in the first place. 

People love other people for different reasons, it’s a beautiful thing to have your partner come home after spending time with someone else that they love, knowing that they visited that person for that persons reasons, and are now coming back to you for the reasons they love you. You feel far more loved than with this idea that they are with you because that’s just what people do in society.

I mean it’s not as if you’re never going to feel jealous or possessive, but I think it’s healthier for people like me, to look at those feelings as proof of love, rather than a challenge to it.

Everyone’s different, it’s not going to be for everyone… But I think allowing societal norms to too heavily influence ones perception of the concept is a small tragedy.

There… I think there is a lot I want to add to this, but I don’t know if I can or how to exactly cover it. I understand what monogamy is, but I honestly have trouble comprehending it sometimes. I know and am poly, but I know that most people don’t and it has hurt because people don’t or can’t. I want to make relationships, but its hard when what I am, people can’t understand, and turns most away. 

Not that I want to be even in relationships with everyone I’m friends with, cause thats a bit insane, but it doesn’t always help

Monogamy culture also fuels homophobia as since up until recently it was considered not possible to “settle down properly” with someone of your own gender, no relationship was considered serious or worthy. 

It fuels acephobia because it assumes that the purpose of a person is to engaged with a person of the gender they’re attracted to. It assumes ace people are broken because they don’t want that and overlooks particulars of the type of relationships that they maybe DO want. 

It assumes that polysexual (bi/pan) people’s sexuality must not be real, because since you MUST settle down with someone of a given gender (often ignoring non-binary people’s existence entirely) and you MUST only be attracted to them, then you have to stop feeling attraction to the genders different from your partner’s. 

It also assumes that when polylsexual people can’t do that, they’re lying/cheaters because surely if you are attracted to more than one gender, nobody could be enough. This brand of bi/panphobia, additionally, reduces people to their gender - and even worse, due to transphobia often to their genitals. It implies that the only reason a person is with another is because of what’s in their pants. 

It also contributes to misogyny. Often taking as a given fact that men WILL be attracted to other women, cheat and pursue other interests - and women must accept this fact, and if somehow they are the ones who pursue another relationship, THEY are the ones in the wrong even if someone else was harassing them into it. 

There is nothing wrong with wanting monogamy, but please, like everything, analyze why you want it and if it is right for your wellbeing. 

ahaze:

highfivingyourself:

Speaking from my own experiences, it’s gotten to the point where I can’t even deal with optimism sometimes because so many people have used it in a really toxic way to silence me and invalidate my experiences with oppression.

In fact, I ended up in a lot of abusive situations during my “positive thinking always” phase. And it really cut into my sense of empathy for myself and others.

Negativity serves a purpose. It allows me to know that I don’t have to accept everything the way it is. It validates me, allows me to be a whole person, and has allowed me to be a happier person. In fact, at one point I tried to cut out all my sadness, but instead I cut out all emotions and couldn’t feel anything anymore, not even happy. It took me a long time to recover from that.

Accepting that it’s okay to be angry and sad and depressed and dissatisfied has brought forth so much self acceptance for me that it’s not even worth comparing to “positive thinking”.

!!!!!!

I went to my first mbti meetup today. It was pretty much a table of INxxs talking about personality theory, psychology, philosophy, politics, meditation, ideas etc with no small talk. It felt kind of strange bc I rarely encounter intellectual discussions in my day to day life and I almost forgot how much I missed them. 

hooraychelle:

i’m not interested in love that looks like owning people. i am, however, super down to watch you grow and love and complete yourself while i do the same. if we can come together and share what we’ve learned with each other, i think we’ll feel safe. and if i love you, i am always rooting for you to love and put yourself first. your well-being is important. mine is, too. the best relationships i have with people are the ones where the only people we belong to our ourselves. if you’re reading this: don’t forget about you, babe.